My first month of Clomid is, unsurprisingly, a failure on the pregnancy front. Although it’s technically still too early for me to do a pregnancy test, I know the signs of impending menstruation: pain, fatigue, and more pain. And I’m so tired of pain. To make matters worse, the pain is changing, affecting my bladder as well as my uterus. My doctor said he thinks I’ve got Interstitial Cystitis – on top of endometriosis of course.
Because what I’ve needed all along is another diagnosis of another painful problem.
I’m struggling to keep my perspective. Endometriosis and IC aren’t serious or life-threatening diagnoses. Infertility doesn’t negate my value as a human being. Hearing loss isn’t a social death-sentence. In addition, have so much in my life to be positive about: my awesome husband; great friends (even if they live in another state); the opportunity to do fulfilling work; and so much more. I am trying, hard, to focus on these things, to recognize the workings of Divine Providence. It doesn’t solve the grief of infertility, but it should offer some solace to focus on these things – if only the physical pain wouldn’t intervene.