Well, just to keep things interesting, I had *another* doctor’s appointment today. I’ve been having severe, really painful PMS cramps for over two weeks. Yesterday I talked to my GP, who normally prescribes a one-a-month short narcotics course for me to deal with menstrual pain. This time, very, very unusual for me, I’d used it up all before my period actually started. She told me that because it was unusual, I should call my OB.
I called the advice nurse – I won’t go into that, but it was disconcerting because she kept saying if my pain “is really that bad, go to the ER.” I’ve had other doctors that I trust tell me NOT to go to the ER – I know it’s the endometriosis at the root of it, and why waste ER time and resources that can focus on a real life-and-death emergency? Finally the advice nurse scheduled me a morning appointment for today. My “normal” OB – the one I’ve been seeing for four months – wasn’t available, so I saw one of her partners.
According to the doctor, who kept interrupting me and would NOT listen to the fact that I was there because my GP and the advice nurse told me to come, the pain I was having (on a scale of 1-10, a 7) was all in my head. “With your mental health, it’s no wonder you think you have pain. Endometriosis only causes pain DURING your period, never before it.”
She insisted that my only options for managing the pain were LupronDepot (which I have both religious and mental health objections to) or IVF (which I have strong religious objections to). I kept asking what else I could do – maybe she could offer some kind of other suggestion, something non-narcotic based to help?? Besides, my chief reason for being there today was to make sure nothing serious was wrong. But she would not listen.
Then she walked out of the room.
I had a panic attack.
It was so bad – I couldn’t breathe, I was hyperventilating, I was shaking so hard I couldn’t stand, and I was STILL in severe menstrual pain. It feels like someone is stabbing in the uterus with an ice pick, and the doctor just walks out of the room?? She never came back in as I broke down. I couldn’t drive; I had to call my husband, have him leave work and come to get me. He couldn’t even get me out of the doctor’s office for a good half hour, I was crying so hard, so those silent-screams that hurt your throat even when no sound comes out. So tense my back was arching – tensing against the physical hurt, the emotional hurt, the frustration of once again feeling like everyone around me thinks I’m lying. Like it’s the people around me who are deaf, not me. Or like I’m invisible and every doctor I see is just looking straight through me.
I don’t understand why I’ve had so many recent doctors’ visits like this. What is it about me that screams “she’s not really in pain/depressed/with insomnia/infertile”? Is it the number of things? Or am I just really striking out?